My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
