Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
