I hope mine doesn't look like that
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
