Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
