I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
