I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
