i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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