She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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