didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
