If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
