All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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