i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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