So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
