Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've blown a few things in my day
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize