i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My feet surprised me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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