there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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