please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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