Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
