i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
