You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
