no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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