My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
