There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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