Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
