I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet he comes in French.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
People in love make me want to vomit
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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