For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When are your genitals available?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
