I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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