i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
