U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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