i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
