I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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