I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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