im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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