i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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