i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
