escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
