$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
