You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
