I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
