And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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