She's JV to your varsity
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
