That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
