just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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