I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
