I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Houston, we have a squirter
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The power of my boobs compel you
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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