how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize