puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
