Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
