Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
