OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
