is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
