Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
