I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
