That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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