I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
