There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
