she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize