Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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