He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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