Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
