My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
