she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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