sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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