Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
