Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
