i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
