I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Can I color on your dick again?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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