meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
