I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
