i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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