He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
