You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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